


One foot in front of the other

by myimmortalist



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula deserves this, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Hallucinations, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Post Comics, Redemption, Therapy, long chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27106864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myimmortalist/pseuds/myimmortalist
Summary: After Aang takes her bending away, Azula flees Capital City. Unexpectedly, Azula finds help among people who know who she is and know what she's done. It takes months before she understands why she is the way she is, but she's got support beyond what she thinks she deserves.*Not an overarching story, first chapter can be read alone*
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula (Avatar)/Original Character, Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 27
Collections: Avatar: The Last Airbender





	1. Runaway

After the events of the comics, Azula is deemed criminal enough to have her bending taken away by Aang, Zuko and other world officials. It’s private, the only witnesses being Aang, Zuko, and Azula herself. Zuko looks away as she screams, only turning to face her when it’s over.

“You need to learn to trust people,” he says quietly. “I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.”

She’s feral, barely processing his words, and when they take her out of the straight-jacket and attempt to place her back in her cell, Azula escapes. Zuko sends people after her, but weeks go by without a single lead, so he calls them back home and hopes that she’s finally done. Azula has just been stripped of the one thing she has ever been sure of; not even her cunning or resourcefulness can help her in the days after it happens. She can hardly think straight, much less start a rebellion and cause trouble. She stows away on a boat that ferries her to the outer lands of the Fire Nation, hearing not her mother’s voice, but her fathers. _You’ll never be what you once were,_ he tells her. _You’re pathetic. Useless. If it weren’t for you, I would’ve won._ Azula escapes the boat and takes shelter in a forest. She doesn’t stop trying to summon fire again for weeks, and on her worst days, she pleads for a spark if only to end her life and the images of her parents. What’s the point of living if she’s living like this? Barely finding food in the forest, constantly reaching for the comfort of her fire only to be reminded that it’s gone?

Finally, after four weeks, she decides to venture back out. She expects to be recognized, but no one looks at her twice. She would be insulted if she weren’t so relieved. It’s only when Azula finally sees her reflection in the window of a store that she understands. Her face is bare of makeup, her hair a rat’s nest. She looks nothing like the crown princess.

Azula finds directions to the town her mother lives in and travels for two days on foot. She only means to see Ursa, really, not talk to her, but it’s not her fault when her mother sees her out of the corner of her eye. Ursa does a double-take, unsure if that’s really her daughter. Azula is expecting Noriko, but instead, she’s greeted by the face haunting her every move. Her mother’s real face. Azula freezes, certain now that it was all a trick. Zuko knew what ship she was on, he knew where she would go. He did this, Ursa is going to tell him and he’s going to kill her and--

“Azula?” Ursa whispers. Azula tries summoning a flame before she remembers she no longer can. Her father is gone now, replaced by a second Ursa behind her. Their voices clash, one speaking of I love you, Azula, I do, and the other asking--

“Is that really you? Are you alright?”

Azula laughs at this. She presses her palms against her temples, shaking her head.

“Shut up!” She growls. “Stop. Please, just make it stop. Please stop talking.”

One voice silences, and then a soft “Oh.” Azula looks up at her mother. “Azula,” her mother says. She almost runs, she tries to, but before she can, Ursa throws her arms around her, sobbing. Azula stiffens in her mother’s grasp. _She’s still trying to kill me, it’s all a trick, she’s got everyone under her thumb_ \--but Azula’s head is throbbing and her chin is trembling and she can’t do anything about it now. She’s useless, just like her father said. She can’t even pull herself away, she just stands there until Ursa lets go, tears streaming down both of their faces. “Azula,” her mother says again, only this time, she does run. And she keeps running.

For three years, Azula travels around the outskirts of the Fire Nation, away from her mother, away from Zuko, away from the life she used to have. She’s shaken by the encounter with Ursa, but pushes it to the back of her mind, fighting anyone and everyone who gets in her way, and easily besting them even without firebending. Instead of plotting to overthrow an empire, or planning to usurp Zuko’s throne, she threatens local gangs and steals from the very people she would have dined with years ago. She tells herself that she’s just biding her time, she’ll go back to reclaim her rightful throne when she’s ready, but in the back of her mind she knows it will never be. How can she expect to rally a rebellion when she’s just a shell of who she once was? Azula is disgusted by herself. She had been royalty once. So she doesn’t think about going back, she only moves forward, never staying in one place long. She cuts her hair short and choppy, and tells no one her name, knowing what they say about the former princess. About her. She’s gone mad, they whisper. The Avatar made her insane. Fine, Azula thinks. Maybe I will live in peace. And this is what gets her. Peace has never been a thing she has wanted. She was the conqueror, the general, the warrior, the fighter. Peace is like trust; an illusion. Even so, she likes not being on the run. She has no enemies. The Azula who the entire world hated is gone, and in her place is a non-bending traveler. Her father’s voice in her head is ever-present, always shouting or snarling, while her mother’s voice fades in and out. Sometimes, when the townsfolk mention the Fire Nation or Zuko as the Firelord, his voice joins Ozai and he screams at her. Mai and Ty Lee’s words are cold, assuring Azula that they have never been her friends, and have been fooling her the whole time. She’s been alone her whole life and she didn’t even know it.

In her third year as a nomad, Azula realizes that the towns she’s staying in look more and more like the Earth Kingdom. She’s certain that she’s still in the Fire Nation, so why does it look so different? It’s not until she sees a pair of women, one in the maroon red of the Fire Nation, and one in the olive green of the Earth Kingdom, that she realizes. They laugh and hold hands, and Azula is suddenly struck by the fact that the kingdoms are changing. The borders are becoming more blurred. A mix of Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation architecture fills the villages, as well as clothing and food stores belonging to both cultures. It’s too much for Azula, to see the Nation she was raised in lose its greatness by mixing with another.

She’s about to leave the village when she hears about an acupuncturist in the town she’s staying in known for her relaxing remedies. Azula feels the tension in her shoulders and decides to make an appointment for the following week. She knows it’s risky, but she’s in luck; neither of the two women who work there recognize her. The place is calm and quiet, smelling of herbs and jasmine. A single apprentice waters plants on the windowsill, barely glancing at Azula. The old woman--Fen Shi--catches Azula looking skeptically around and explains that it’s all for show. She works with metal. Azula is shocked. She had been under the impression that only the blind little girl could metal bend. The woman smiles and tells her that her grandson learned from Toph and had tried to teach her. She had, after all, been attempting it for years now. She could manage no more than two dozen small metal needles, but that was all she needed to do her work. Azula lays on the table and takes off all her outer clothing, stripping to a thin black shirt and brown trousers. She lays on a cool table and closes her eyes while the apprentice, Isa, hands Fen Shi a wooden case. She opens the case to reveal thin metal needles, and positions the needles above Azula’s skin.

“You might experience some slight discomfort at first, and then you will see the roots of your tension.”

From the moment the needles prick her skin, Azula is dragged out of the room back to her Agni Kai with Zuko; she watches herself fight in horror, unable to do anything but watch as she says the same things, makes the same mistakes. Her feelings in the moment come rushing back to her. She will be Firelord. She will win. And then here comes Zuko and the waterbender, here he comes to stop her. Oh, how she hates him. She hates Zuko, she hates her mother, she hates Katara for joining forces with her brother, she hates Mai and Ty Lee, she simply hates. And then the girl chains her, and she’s broken. She’s done for. Fire spews from her mouth as she sobs, trying to keep Zuko away from her. She’s going to die now, he’s going to kill her--but even as Azula feels this, she watches her past self, and she watches Zuko, and he is not moving towards her. The look in his eyes is not one of hate, it’s one of pity. Azula screams, then, an echo of the wail she had let out four years prior while chained to the ground, and sits bolt upright on the slab of stone. She feels her bending come back to her. Fire must be blasting out of her fists and her mouth as she kicks the woman away and lunges to her feet, breathing hard. She looks around. The only smolder in the room is the one in her eyes. Isa stands in front of Fen Shi crouching in a corner, wielding a wooden bat, murder in her eyes. Azula dizzily looks around the room, the vision of the Agni Kai in her mind. She glances at Fen Shi, and the fear in her eyes gives Azula pause. No one has looked at her with such fear in so long. Azula stumbles back and grabs her coat, hurrying out of the shop, heart pounding and cheeks burning. What was that? What did they do to her? She doesn’t get far before she crumples on the floor in an alleyway, paralyzed by the looming figures of her family around her and the screaming in her head. Everything she has been doing for the past three years comes rushing back to her. How could she have pretended that she could live a normal life? She’s haunted by her family and her friends, by a nation she had sworn to serve. Zuko has ruined her. She has always been better than him, and yet he has ruined her. Father needs her help, she needs to get back to the palace. Azula staggers to her feet, fighting against the torrent of pain in her head that comes with every step. She barely makes it out of the alleyway when she hears a voice call out to her. Immediately her hands are up and her feet planted, but it’s only the apprentice. Isa.

“If you come back, we can help you,” she calls, clearly not too enthusiastic about the arrangement. Azula’s eyes dart from the road to Isa.

“You’re lying.” She spits. “You always lie. You’ve lied my whole life.” Ty Lee steps back, but Azula blinks and it’s Isa again, her look of mild disdain replaced by confusion and a tinge of concern.

“Come back,” she repeats. “You need help, and that’s us.” Her father’s voice snakes through her mind, telling her that together they will conquer the world, but he is countered by Zuko. He holds her life in his hands, should she go back to the palace, and Azula refuses to let him take it. “We aren’t going to force you,” Isa continues. “You need to make this choice by yourself.”

Azula stares at her long enough to make Isa uncomfortable, but eventually she lowers her fists and steps hesitantly towards her, following her at a small distance back to the Swan Spa. Fen Shi cancels all appointments, though Azula does not ask her to. This is something--Azula is something--Fen Shi wants to see through to the end. This young woman needs help, and Fen Shi has never been the one to turn away someone in need, even if they don’t know they need her yet. It takes quite a bit of coaxing for Azula to allow herself to be tied to the table, but Fen Shi insists that it’s necessary. If Azula were to jump up before the process was finished, they would never get anything done. Day after day, week after week, month after month, Isa straps Azula onto the table and Fen Shi pricks her skin. Azula takes to spending the nights in the back room of the spa. Everyday, her pupils dilate as she strains against the restraints, reliving memories. She goes further back in time, watching herself cutting her hair before her coronation, and now she’s Ursa. _I love you, Azula, I do,_ but her past self shatters the mirror. The fear in Azula’s voice as she thrashes against her restraints mirrors the fear in her eyes when she speaks out of place. _You can’t treat me like Zuko!_ Her father glares, before telling her smoothly, _you will be Firelord_. Relief shudders through her, but she’s thrown back further before she can savor it. _I love Zuko more than I fear you._ Mai’s voice is scathing. _I love Zuko more than I fear you,_ she chants, soon joined by Ty Lee and her mother. Azula can feel it, the hatred burning through her veins. It was always her versus Zuko, and that’s all it ever will be. Hot tears slide down her cheek as Fen Shi unbuckles her. She reaches a hand out and Azula’s breath catches, but when the old woman pulls Azula close, she doesn’t pull away. She’s stiff; the last time anyone hugged her was her own mother, four years earlier. _Trust is for fools, fear is the only reliable way._ But she remembers the feelings of hurt and regret she felt when Fen Shi trembled in the corner, so she forces her hands to lay still at her side instead of throwing the woman off of her. Isa watches from the corner, the look on her face unreadable. Neither of them ever ask for Azula’s past, but she recalls what Zuko said to her after the Avatar took her bending--you need to learn to trust people--and tells it to them anyway. It takes her entire being to push away the fear of weakness and let them see her--really see her. They listen as Azula describes the memories that plague her mind and the visions of her parents. When she’s done, they stare at Azula for a long moment and step outside, leaving her alone in the room. Azula thinks about forcing them to obey her will, but not only is she powerless in both bending and authority, she also doesn’t really want to.

She fastens her boots and slips on her coat, determined to find another town where she will be unknown once more, but Fen Shi calls out, “Going so soon? We’re not done yet.” Azula turns back, and they are already walking back inside the shop, watching her, waiting for her reaction. Will she stay with them, or will she run away again until no one remembers her? Azula sits back down in silence. Fen Shi doesn’t leave Azula’s side, and Isa would die before she leaves the old woman.  
Fen Shi sits with her again the next day and tells her, “Now I can really help you.” She encourages Azula to ask questions about her father and what he made her. “Were you happy when you watched your father scar your brother?”

“Yes,” Azula answers, and she’s sure of it.

“No,” Fen Shi shakes her head. “You were happy that it wasn’t you.” She presses Azula to go back to her childhood. “You were the prodigy, there is no denying that. But who made you hate your brother? Who turned you against him?” Azula remembers the day she first conjured a spark. _Look, Zuzu!_ She had cried. _Wow!_ His eyes had been wide with excitement. _I’ll go get dad!_ The memories of her early years are tainted by constant training and discipline. Why did Zuko get to go with Ursa to the park while Azula had to sit in a boring lecture about firebending techniques? She had no one to voice her complaints too; one wrong word around father could go terribly, her mother was hardly ever around her, and Zuko would hear none of it. _At least father likes you,_ he would say sourly. Azula took these words to heart. She sat through her boring lessons and practiced her firebending for hours outside because she knew she was making her father proud. And her mother? Azula has precious few memories of her mother, most of them involving scolding and disappointment. Ursa said nothing to Azula, her own daughter, that she was leaving. Azula was certain that Zuko knew of it; they kept nothing from each other, but Ursa hadn’t trusted Azula enough to tell her that they would never see each other again.

“Should she have trusted you?” Fen Shi asks gently. “Would you have kept it secret from your father?”

Azula balks. “Father was right about Zuko. He was right about everything.” Fen Shi starts to say something, but is interrupted by Isa scoffing in the corner.  
“Your father was a psychopath,” she says, coming forward. “And he was raising you to be one as well. You say he’s so great? He didn’t even conquer Ba Sing Se. You did, his fourteen year old daughter. Losing your bending was the best thing that ever happened to you,” Isa says with disgust. “Otherwise, you would still be terrorizing the Fire Nation and plotting against your brother, who has only brought good things upon the nation.”

Azula feels that same rage in herself again, and cannot contain herself. She jumps up, snarling, “What do you know about anything? I’m a princess. I was meant to rule.” She’s angry, but she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror behind Isa and recoils. The angry reflection--that isn’t her. It can’t be her. Her face is wrong, the features too warped. All of a sudden, her mother and father’s figures appear in the reflection, arguing with each other. She knows that this time, shattering the mirror will not help. Azula holds her head in her hands as Ursa screams at her father, _Look what you’ve done! Look what you’ve made her! My daughter, my child, is exactly like you!_ Ozai roars then, and shouts back, _Good! I’ve made her into what the world needs. She will take back the throne, continue my legacy. You and your pitiful son will be cast from the world and minds of the people!_ Azula sits heavily back down, shaking her head.

“No,” she says. “I’m not. Mother, I was wrong, you’re not evil, I don’t want you to disappear”--but Ursa’s voice is already fading, and Ozai is growing stronger. _Trust is for fools,_ he shouts, Azula mumbling the words with him. “Fear is the only reliable way.”

She hears Fen Shi tell Isa, “Leave now. Look what you’ve done.”

The phrase echoes in Azula’s mind. _Look what you’ve done!_ Zuko screams. Mai, Ty Lee, Ursa, all of them shrieking at once. Her father says it with relish. _Look what you’ve done,_ he grins, arms spread out. _We’ll conquer the world._

Fen Shi shakes Azula by the shoulders. “Azula,” she says. Pleads. “Listen to me. You’re more than your past. You can be a better person, I know you can. I believe in you. I have faith in you.” Azula doesn’t respond. She can’t, they aren’t letting her. “Do you know why I let you stay?” Fen Shi asks, her voice more calm now. “Because I trust you, Azula. I know that you will not hurt me. You won’t hurt anyone anymore.” With every word, her father’s voice fades more and more. She can feel him clinging to the edges of her mind, but she opens her eyes to see Fen Shi’s concerned face and he disappears with a roar.

The old woman gets Azula a cup of tea, and they sit together in silence. “Do you want to continue?” Fen Shi asks tentatively. Azula looks at her tea. “I will come back,” she says. “But I need to go see someone.” She writes Isa a simple note; Do not feel guilty, and leaves Fen Shi’s shop with a small wave. It takes four days to travel to Ba Sing Se, and Azula makes the trip in apprehension. The last time she stepped into the city, she was a conqueror. Now she’s a lonely traveler. What a difference four years make. She doesn’t ask for directions, instead preferring to walk the streets of the city for the day. It’s nighttime when she finally wills herself to look for the shop. There, just around the corner, she sees it. The Jasmine Dragon. She holds her head high and pushes open the door. It’s filled with customers talking and laughing, half a dozen waiters, and Iroh standing at the back filling a cup of tea. Azula strides over to him. “Miss,” he says, not looking up. “Please wait at the door, and one of our staff will find you a seat.”

Azula laughs, and his head jerks up. “I need to talk to you,” she says. “Now.”

He stares at her, not quite in fear, but in apprehension, and leads her into the back room.

“Uncle,” Azula places her hands on the table, palms up. “Nice to see you.” Iroh kicks the door shut behind him and his palms alight with fire. “Don’t be dramatic,” Azula scoffs. “You know I can’t hurt you. In fact, I don’t even want to be here. But you need to tell me something.”

Iroh lowers his hands. “I heard about what the Avatar did. So what have you been up to? Since you can’t steal the throne or start anymore rebellions.” He’s mocking her, but they both know it’s true. If the Avatar hadn’t taken her firebending, that’s exactly what she would be doing. Iroh’s face hardens. “What do you want, Azula? Last time I saw you you were insane.”

She grimaces at that, but takes a deep breath and looks up at him. “Tell me about my father.” She doesn’t specify what about her father she wants to know, and Iroh is clearly taken aback by this. He starts to ask why, but changes his mind. He tells her of a daughter in the Southern Watertribe finding her mother’s charred and still warm body. Of prisoners and slaves forced to become soldiers, used by Ozai to conquer more lands and steal more power. He reminds her of every time Azula had feared for her life at the hands of her own father. He asks her, “What do you think he would have done to you if you had been the Avatar?” And doesn’t wait for an answer. He asks, “Do you think the baby who tugged on my beard and laughed when I tickled her was the same person who smiled when her own brother was scarred? A brother who did nothing but love you, even when you made it impossible? A brother who let you live when he had every right to kill you?” And he doesn’t wait for an answer.

Azula listens to it all, blank faced. His words hammer around in her skull, unraveling the facade of her father she had built up around him. Azula knew that everything he was saying was true, but her father had loved her. He had wanted her by his side. She was the powerful one, the one who would help him win. _Yes,_ Ozai’s voice is back. _Everything he says is true. But It is not Fire Nation lives we are taking, why does it matter? You were never weak like Zuko. You have never cared._ Azula looks at Iroh, still talking, and cannot hear him. She thinks of his words. He loves Zuko. Mai loves Zuko. Ursa loves Zuko. He is weaker than her, and yet they love him instead. It’s not fair. It has never been fair.

“--Ursa,” Iroh is saying. “She saw you. She said she tried to get you to stay but you ran off. You didn’t hurt her. Why?” His voice is hard. “Why didn’t you hurt her?” Azula shakes her head, remembering her mother’s face. Her real face. She had hugged Azula, she hadn’t run away. She had wanted Azula to stay. _No!_ Ozai says sharply. _She never loved you. She always favored Zuko more. She could never love you. You were a monster. I’m the only one who could ever love you for who you are._  
Iroh snaps his fingers in her face. “Why didn’t you hurt her?” He demands. “What are you planning?” Ozai and Iroh are both yelling at her, demanding that she listen to them. Ursa’s voice is quieter, but urgent. _Don’t trust Ozai,_ she says. _He wanted me dead. He didn’t care about you, he didn’t care about anyone but himself. I never thought you were a monster, Azula. I was afraid for you, and what Ozai was filling your head with. I’ve always loved you._ Azula clenches her jaw and her fists, but she cannot will the voices away. Ozai appears behind Iroh, a looming shadow reaching for her neck. Ursa’s hands appear on Azula’s shoulders, but they are not gentle. They grip her tightly, imprisoning her under their grasp. Azula writhes in her chair, but she cannot escape the hold of her mother or the gaze of her father. Iroh is quiet now. Her parents still argue, but he’s looking at her strangely. Azula wishes she had never come here. Why did she think that Iroh would help her? She glances up at him, and the last thing she sees is Iroh bringing a metal pot down onto her head, and then nothing.

Azula wakes up in a bed. Her head is throbbing, but free of the voices, and there’s a cup of steaming tea on the nightstand. She starts to sit up, but the dull ache sharpens at the back of her head and she has to take a moment. She’s disoriented, and she hates being disoriented. Iroh sits snoring in a chair across the room with his own empty cup and pen in his hand. A note lays on the table next to him. The thump of Azula’s boots on the floor jolts him awake, and they look at each other wearily.

“You knocked me out,” Azula accuses. She expects to feel angry, but she’s just tired, all the way down to the bone. She knows she was dreaming, but she can’t remember any of it now. That’s for the best.

Iroh gestures at her tea. “Drink.” She drinks. “What happened to you Azula?” He asks.

She knew it was coming, but she still doesn’t know how to answer at first. “The Avatar took my bending,” she says simply. “And I was ruined. I stole away on a ship--in my distress I wasn’t thinking. I just needed to get away from… him. Zuko. So I came to the Earth Kingdom and found my mother, hoping that she wouldn’t recognize me. I didn’t want to talk to her, I just… I just wanted to see her.”

“Getting away from the royal palace and Fire Nation politics has helped you, as it has helped me and Zuko. Why did you come here? Who was talking to you earlier?”  
Azula sighs. “My parents. Zuko. Mai and Ty Lee. Everyone I’ve ever thought cared about me. I can’t get them out. They live in my head, only disappearing when--never, really. Each one asking me to trust them, to believe them.” She shakes her head. “Coming here was a last ditch effort. I’m not even sure why I did, I just know that I can’t go on like this.” Iroh hands the note to her. It’s a letter to Zuko, telling him that Azula has found Iroh. He explains that she has not tried to hurt him and that he thinks Zuko should come down to see her. Azula holds it for a moment, imagining what it would be like to see him again. Does she miss him? She’s not sure. She certainly didn’t miss him when he was banished, but that was seven years ago, and they were both very different people. Azula asks Iroh for another piece of paper and writes her own note. _Two weeks, the town of Sajian in the Earth Kingdom. Look for the Swan Spa. Come alone, please._ She adds the please as an after-thought, and if Iroh notices anything, he doesn’t say.

He sends the note off and listens while Azula tells him where she wants to meet Zuko. He doesn’t argue, simply packs his things.

They travel back to the Swan Spa, and Azula introduces her uncle to Fen Shi and Isa. Well, she introduces the latter two to Iroh. They know who he is. Fen Shi asks Iroh about the secret to his tea, and they’re off in the kitchen trading techniques for hours. Isa apologizes to Azula about her outburst, and asks Azula to come with her, showing her to a bakery a couple streets away. Azula has never tried any of the sweets, and lets Isa order for her. She bites hesitantly into the sticky pastry, keenly aware of Isa’s eyes on her. It’s delicious. They walk down to a little pond, where turtleducks swim. Azula remembers Zuko and her as children all those years ago, and feeds them little bits of her pastry as a sort of apology. Despite Azula’s best efforts, Isa makes her laugh for the first time in years. Isa tells her about her parents, who followed Iroh into battle without hesitation, and paid the ultimate price for it. Isa was orphaned and turned to thievery, until she tried stealing from Fen Shi, who sat her down and explained why what she was doing was wrong. Little Isa had told her that she had nothing else, and the kind woman had offered her an apprenticeship. No pay, but Isa would have food and housing. For years Isa has been tending to the garden and plants in and around the Swan Spa. Plants are easier than people, she says.

“How are you still loyal to the Fire Nation? After you lost your parents,” Azula asks, confused.

“I’m not loyal to the Fire Nation,” Isa replies. “I just live here.”

It was an almost impossible concept for Azula to wrap her head around, but she had more pressing questions.

“You know me. You know what I’ve done. Why don’t you turn me in?”

The smile disappears from Isa’s face, and she doesn’t answer for a moment. “It was Fen Shi, you know,” she says eventually. “Not me. I just went along with it. That was how it started, but now?” She stops, and looks Azula in the eyes. “You were not born evil, Azula. You have done terrible things, monstrous things, but you were not born evil. And I truly believe that you’re better than that.” Azula says nothing, but she holds Isa’s gaze until finally, she smiles again and they continue on their way, cheeks rosy from the cold. “I like plants better than humans,” Isa says thoughtfully. “But sometimes--every few years--I’ll meet a person who’s sort of okay. Maybe they’re not perfect, and maybe they’ve made mistakes--or used to be criminally insane--but they’re the exact kind of person who just clicks. Like a puzzle piece in the puzzle of my life.”

Azula’s cheeks burn, but luckily, they arrive at the Swan Spa before she has a chance to say anything.

When Azula steps into the spa, Iroh is smelling the lavender plants that Azula had first seen Isa watering. He turns to look at them, and something makes him pause. He’s looking at her with a strange expression, as if something about her is off putting. Azula is pulled away by Isa, but not before her smile is wiped from her face. Even when she wasn’t doing anything she was doing something wrong. _See?_ Her father’s voice whispers in her head. _You’ll always be a monster._ Isa leads Azula down a corridor into her room, pulling out a marble game. Azula sits in a chair, staring into nothing. Isa sees the look on her face and hurriedly sits across from her.

“Here,” she says. “Take these. We’re playing a game now, okay? They aren’t real, Azula. I know you know that.” And of course Azula knows it, but Ozai has opened the floodgates. Now Ursa and Zuko argue with him, saying everything Azula wishes she could say herself. She sees Isa grab her hands, but she can’t feel it. “Imagine this,” Isa says. “They’re all in a box, yelling at each other, not you, and you can just shut the box.” Azula almost laughs at how accurate Isa was. They were indeed all yelling at each other, though the box bit was a little off. “No, I’m being serious,” she continues. “Try shutting them away like that. Close the box on them.” Azula does as she says, but the voices only get louder. She imagines more boxes, piling on top of each other.

“I’m trying,” she mumbles. “They won’t let me.”

Isa shakes her head. “They can’t let you, Azula, because it’s your mind. You have power over them, not the other way around. It’s just… one foot in front of the other.”

Azula looks up. “I have power over them,” she whispers. Isa watches her, ignoring Iroh standing in the doorway. “I have power over them,” Azula repeats. It’s working, they’re all getting quieter. Soon Ursa is the last one left, and the faintest sliver of her voice washes over Azula. _I’m proud of you, my daughter._ And then she’s gone. Azula looks up in amazement, eyes clear. A slow smile stretches over Isa’s face.

“It worked?” She asks.

Azula nods. “Thank you.” Isa squeezes Azula’s hands once more before letting go, and starts positioning the marbles.

“Let’s play.” She doesn’t look up at Iroh, fearing that Azula might turn, but he leaves anyway.

A week and a half goes by with Azula resuming her therapy, though she doesn’t let Iroh sit in and watch. She watches her Agni Kai day after day, letting herself feel the rage and the hatred and the fear of it all, and then letting it go. The memory of Ursa in the mirror no longer haunts her, and she skips straight to Mai and Ty Lee’s betrayal. That will take time, Fen Shi tells her. They were your closest confidantes. As for the Agni Kai, she’s hoping that seeing Zuko again will help with that. Azula still isn’t sure what she will do when he arrives. Will he be dressed as Firelord? Will he even want to see her? Now she’s doubting the vagueness of her letter. What if he doesn’t come, thinking that he has more important things to do? What if he thought it was from someone else? Isa tells her to stop fretting over things out of her control, as if Azula has had more than a little experience of not being in control. Iroh is still weary, and they skirt around each other as best as they can, neither one of them having any interest in rekindling a relationship with the other just yet. Finally, two weeks pass, and Azula realizes that Zuko will be arriving tonight. She takes a walk out into the town to get away from the stuffiness of the shop, ambling down the shopping district, looking at swords and earrings simultaneously. She has no money, and loathes to stay in the Swan Spa with Fen Shi when she has nothing to repay her with, but Fen Shi insisted. _Isa was the same way, once,_ she had told her. _I picked her up trying to steal from me. Wild child, that one._ Azula doesn’t understand why she would take two young women in with nothing to give her, but she appreciates it nonetheless. A man steals glances at her while she looks at a jeweled dagger through a window until she sighs and turns to him, asking him what he wants. A date, apparently. Azula stares at him for a moment and lets out a surprised laugh. He steps back, hurt.

“To put it simply, no,” she says, sparing him the comments on the tip of her tongue. He mumbles something and turns away. Azula’s arm lashes out and snatches his own, yanking him back. “What was that?” She asks sweetly.

“I didn’t say anything!” The man whines, trying to pull his arm away. Azula lets him go and watches him run. _Men_ , she thinks with disgust. She returns to the spa, popping her head in to let Fen Shi know that she’ll be in the garden. The Swan Spa garden is small but beautiful, a garden that looks both overgrown and orderly. There’s a small alcove in the back between two hyacinth bushes that Azula had brought a rocking chair to a couple weeks after she had arrived. Now she sat here whenever the spa felt too stuffy or after a particularly bad session, something that happened far too often for her liking. Azula leans her head back and closes her eyes. Should she feel bad for everything she did under her father’s rule? While most of her actions had been fueled by fear, she can admit that at the time it seemed right, to make the whole world part of the Fire Nation. Part of her thinks it still seems right now, but… it’s the pastries. It’s Isa showing her pastries that she’s never seen nor tasted before, it’s the different style of clothing that the townsfolk wear, it’s the short, squat shops and dirt roads instead of towering structures and cobblestone. Ozai tells her that the Fire Nation needs to share its glory with the world, and that she as Princess saw that it did, but Azula thinks that maybe there’s glory in this new life of hers as well.

Suddenly, Isa crashes around the corner, yelling for Azula. He’s here. Zuko is here. _Already?_ Azula wants to ask, but she’s being dragged inside before she can. He arrived on the Avatar’s flying bison, and landed a little ways away from the town. No doubt he would knock on the spa door at any moment. Iroh and Fen Shi sit on the bench outside the front door, while Azula leans against the wall, Isa beside her. All of them train their eyes on the road, and sure enough, in a few moments, Zuko appears. He dresses like a traveler, not as a king, his hood pulled low over his eyes. He’s alone. Iroh stands and meets Zuko with a hug. He steps back and Zuko walks toward them. He stares at Azula, as if not quite believing that she’s here. Or perhaps not quite believing that she’s sane. Isa, Iroh, and Fen Shi leave them alone outside.

“Azula,” Zuko says.

“Brother.”

“How have you been?” He searches her face, though he’s not sure for what. The others, are they her hostages? Has she forced them to house her? No, that can’t be right, the other woman, she had been tense. Protective of Azula. Why? “Aang is with me,” he tells her. “If there’s any trouble, he’ll be here. Now, I think you need to tell me everything.”

Azula gestures inside, but pauses. “How did you know that it was me who sent the letter?”

Zuko laughs. “Your handwriting has not changed in years.”

He meets with Isa and Fen Shi, who is surprisingly calm about having royalty in her home. She was more excited about Iroh sharing his tea secrets. They show Zuko around, and then look at Azula. She shrugs.

“Tell him,” she says. Tell him everything. They take him inside the treatment room while Azula stays outside, per her request. She permits Iroh to go with them, if only so he doesn’t have to watch her struggle with her father in her head. She tries the box technique over and over, but the best she can do is subdue him, not fully silence him. Ursa whispers praise to her as well as warnings, should she try to hurt Zuko. Azula almost laughs. She couldn’t if she tried. She’s not sure how she ever thought that taking the throne back was an option, even if she did have her old face. Zuko radiates power; not just firebending, but authority as well. Azula is lucky that she can fight without bending. She’s not sure how she would bear it otherwise. Bear what? The fact that now she’s the weaker one? The fact that she’s been reduced to a young woman with false visions in her head? Azula wishes that she could go back to being a fourteen year old. The confidence of a captain who governed with fear. It was easier, then. Follow father’s orders and you won’t get hurt. Don’t speak out against him and you won’t get hurt. She had tried to get Zuko to come back home, at risk of her own rank and safety, and he had thrown it back in her face, and for the second time, a family member ran away without telling her. They had run away from her. _Yes_ , Ozai growls. _You can’t trust them. They don’t trust you, and they certainly don’t love you. To think that your mother will ever want to see you again is a lie, and you know it. Where are all your friends now? Mai, Ty Lee? Even Isa and Fen Shi have left you here, all alone. They’re just praying that you run. Zuko wants you to be a monster, so he has an excuse to kill you. If you don’t leave now, you’ll die. Do you want to die, Azula? Or do you want to help me take back what is rightfully ours?_ This last part he roars, and Azula’s ears ring. They don’t want her here. Her father is right. Everyone runs from her, and now it’s her turn. She stumbles into her small room at the back and throws on her coat. She has to leave now. Any second Zuko will see her and kill her. She was wrong to have thought him merciful. This was all his game, he planned this. He must’ve gotten to Fen Shi and Isa, forced these voices into her head without her knowing. But he miscalculated-- _miscalculated_ , Mai hisses. Azula freezes, shutting her eyes and pressing her hands to her head. _I love Zuko more than I fear you._ At the word fear, images of Fen Shi, Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula’s own face from her memories bombarded her. Azula slides down the wall, shaking her head wildly. Did they have to be so loud? Why were they so loud? Faintly, she hears shouting voices as Zuko and Isa skid around the corner. Isa drops to her knees and pulls Azula’s hands from her ears, but it doesn’t matter. Zuko is here. He watches with horror in his eyes, but Azula knows it is an act. She needs to get out.

“--go,” she mumbles. “I need to go. He’ll kill me. I need to run. Trust is for fools, fear is the only reliable way.” She claws at the wall, pulling herself up, and turns, but Zuko’s arm shoots out and grabs her wrist. She looks at him in terror and he lets go, face stricken. That look of fear in her eyes would haunt him for a very long time. Fen Shi and Iroh block the door. She’s surrounded. Azula looks to Isa for help, but Zuko waves her away before she can say anything. Azula watches as Isa nods and slips behind Zuko, leaving through the back door. Zuko gestures to Iroh and Fen Shi, and they close the front door behind them as they step outside. It’s just the two of them now. It had always been the two of them. Zuko raises his hands, as if to show he was weaponless, but it doesn’t matter. He could end her with one flame. Azula stumbles back as a chorus of voices scream in her mind. Ozai, yelling at her to run, to escape, to help him. Ursa, screaming about trust and love, Mai and Ty Lee, accusing her of being a monster, and laughing as they leave her behind. But a new voice, in the very back of her mind, catches Azula’s attention. It’s so quiet, barely above a whisper, almost drowned out by everything else, but it was hers. Her voice. Azula leans against the wall for support and strains to hear it. _You. Trust yourself,_ it tells her. A younger Azula, one not tainted by misery and betrayal, holds out her hand. Azula takes it, and is immediately transported away. She goes back, beyond the wails of a chained madwoman, beyond the white-hot feelings of rage and disappointment as she locks up her only friends, beyond the cool and calculating firebending prodigy. She steps into the moment she learned she had firebending. She was a pudgy toddler, practicing moves with Zuko, when suddenly, a flame shot from her hand. It was small, but they had both stopped and stared. _Look, Zuzu!_ Azula had clapped her hands. He grabbed them and they spun around each other--well, as best as little kids can--dancing in the garden. Her flames hadn’t been blue, then. They hadn’t been fueled by hatred, or anger, or a need to be the best. They were the purest form they had ever been. Azula felt the excitement she had felt at that moment, only now, watching the past as a ghost, she looks at Zuko. There was a hint of jealousy in his eyes, but every time Azula looked at him, it would vanish, replaced by genuine joy. He was happy for her, had only ever wanted the best for her. Young Azula looks at the space where Azula now watches them, smiles at her, and disappears. Slowly, Azula’s senses return and her mind is still. Zuko’s arms encircle her shoulders, and he’s hunched over, shaking. With a start, Azula realizes that he’s crying. They are still alone in the room. She makes herself memorize the feel of Zuko’s arms around her, knowing that she will need the memory later, before gently extracting herself from his hold. He takes a deep breath and presses his palms over his eyes. Azula shifts uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry,” they say at the same time. It takes all of Azula’s willpower to look him in the eyes when she says it. It’s freeing. She doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for, and she’s not sure she wants to, but he tells her anyway.

“I’m sorry for letting you stay there with him.” he says. “I’m sorry for letting him do this to you. I didn’t know--I thought--”

Azula cuts him off. “Don’t.” She says. She knows now that Zuko loves her. He always has, even after she tried to kill him time and time again. She hazily remembers a morning while they were searching for their mother, and she had gone to bed without a blanket and woken up with one. Zuko pitied her, yes, but he didn’t kill her. She had needed Isa and Fen Shi to believe in her, but he had believed in her first. He had believed she could change the whole time. Zuko looks at her sadly. “I didn’t know how bad it was, otherwise I would’ve been here with you, or taken you back home.”

Azula shakes her head. “No,” she says, surprised by herself. “It’s good that I didn’t stay home. Fen Shi and Isa--they’ve helped me. I don’t deserve it, but they’ve helped me. I… care about them. Trust them. They aren’t scared of me,” she adds in a smaller voice. Zuko understands the significance of her words. It has taken four years, and there was still a long way to go, but Azula was finally free. Free of her father and the Fire Nation, free of the task of taking over the world. She could visit Zuko. She could talk to her mother, salvage what’s left of their relationship. Maybe Mai and Ty Lee would visit her. The thought makes her happy, though she knows they will not want to see her just yet.

Zuko and Azula leave the room as siblings; not enemies, not competitors, not traitors. Fen Shi wipes a tear from her cheek and silently hugs Azula, and this time, she hugs her back. Isa taps Zuko on the shoulder and they slip away into the kitchen, heads bent together. Iroh is the last to leave the room, and Azula isn’t expecting any kind words from him, but he clasps her on the shoulder.

“You’ve come a long way, Azula,” he says. “I hope to see you at the Jasmine Dragon soon.” She heads to her room, hearing snippets of the conversation Isa and Zuko are having.

“--Azula,” Isa is saying. “She’s trying.” Her voice is as forceful as it is pleading, and Azula’s heart fills when she hears Zuko reply.

“I know.”

Her brother has to leave the next morning--he’s still Firelord, much to the dismay of her father in her head--and before he sets off down the road, he pulls Azula to the side. “I’m proud of you,” he says. “I’m proud of what you’ve become. True change doesn’t happen unless you want it to, and it is so important that you want to.” The look on her face when he says that reminds him, for the first time in a long while, that Azula is just his younger sister, barely an adult. Zuko leaves the small spa with a wave, smiling as he watches Isa take Azula’s hand. When Aang asks what happened, he repeats the words Isa said to him. She’s trying. He tells Mai and Ty Lee when they hesitantly ask how she’s doing. She’s trying. And when they decide the next year--together--that they want to see her, he takes them with him down to the Swan Spa. Azula is in the garden, Isa tells them. Zuko goes first, and Azula smiles when she sees him.

“Brother,” she says.

“Azula. I’ve brought a few friends.” Mai and Ty Lee step out from behind him. Mai’s eyes are narrowed and Ty Lee’s eyebrows drawn tight, their shoulders bunched and pressed against each other. They, like Zuko, study Azula. All emotion drops from her face as she watches them watch her. Azula’s eyes flick to Isas behind them, who smiles encouragingly at her. Azula isn’t sure what to do. Should she be cold and snide? Should she be kind? Neither of those options seem right, so she just sighs and sits in her rocking chair. Ty Lee gulps.

“Hi.”

“Ty Lee, Mai.” Azula nods at them.

“It’s really you,” Mai says, a hint of shock in her voice.

“No,” Azula says, shaking her head. “It really isn’t.”

Zuko steps back, pulling Isa along with him, and they leave the three in the garden.

“You’re good for her,” Zuko tells her as they head into the kitchen. Isa blushes and looks out the window.

“I know that losing her friends really messed her up, but I think, in a way, it helped her as well. It made her question everything she believed to be true.” They watch the scene in the garden unfold. Conversation is stilted and awkward, but then Azula laughs at a dry joke Mai makes and they all relax just a little bit more.

Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee stay three days. The three old friends spend all their time together, talking, as Mai tells Zuko. He doesn’t press. Ty Lee immediately notices the way Isa and Azula act around each other, and can hardly contain her glee when she tells Mai, who struggles to hide her smile. On the day they leave, Fen Shi helps Zuko pack their things. Ty Lee starts to reach her arms out and then stops, thinking better of it, before Azula, hesitantly, pulls her into a hug. They are all older, they are all wiser, and they have all been through so much. At the end of the day, they’re all trying. And that’s enough.


	2. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula faces the Gaang and finally explains herself.

Azula stares at the letter in her hand. It’s from Zuko. It’s been over a year since he first visited, and now he wants her to come to the palace. There’s a festival for some holiday or another.

“I think you’re ready, Azula, I really do.” Isa’s voice is soft. Images of a ring of blue fire and the last Agni Kai flash through her head, but then Isa’s hand is on hers, grounding Azula. “That was six years ago,” Isa reminds her. “You’re healing.”

“I don’t deserve to heal,” Azula mutters. She’s not sure she can face the Avatar and his friends, the waterbending girl especially. They won’t trust her. Why should they?

“They let you search for your mother, right?” Isa asks. “They can manage one night.”

“We’ll be staying longer than one night,” Azula says. “He wants us to… stay. In the palace, for a little bit.”

“We?”

Azula smiles. “I’m not going without you, Isa. You know that.”

“It’s a good thing you’re going, then,” Isa laughs. “I’ve always wanted to see the palace.” She kisses Azula’s forehead and leaves to tell Fen Shi the news. This was new. Isa was new. The first time she leaned in for a kiss, Azula stepped away in confusion. They have a good laugh over it now, but Azula will never forget the look on Isa’s face when she did that. It’s new, but it’s good. Really good. Azula had written to Zuko about it in a letter, once, and regretted it the minute the bird flew away, but he had been nothing but thrilled for her. He and Isa had become fast friends, and he told Azula that he knew they were perfect for each other.

Fen Shi runs into the room, a wide smile on her face. “I’ve got to help you pack your things!”

“Excited to get rid of me?” Azula asks, only half-joking. Fen Shi gasps and places her hand over her heart, and Azula laughs.

The festival was in four days, which would’ve been an impossible journey on foot, but the Avatar volunteered to pick Azula up on that wretched bison. Azula sends word back to Zuko accepting the invitation, and that’s that. Isa distracts Azula by shoveling sweets of all kinds from their favorite bakery into her for dinner. The distraction works, at least until the next morning when Azula wakes with a frown already stretched across her face. Her sleep had been oddly good, despite the anxiety she felt about the coming evening when Aang would be arriving. If they didn’t get to the palace before nightfall and he had to witness her sleep… Well, Azula was certain that she wouldn’t get two good nights in a row.

Evening and the Avatar came all too quickly for Azula’s liking, but she would rather be jailed again than let her nervousness show on her face. He arrives on the bison directly behind the spa, unlike Zuko who landed in the town. Fen Shi waves goodbye as Isa and Azula head towards him, carrying their bags on their shoulders. Aang watches them come cautiously.

“Uh, hi,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. Isa smiles at him.

“Nice to meet you, Avatar. I’m Isa, Azula’s…” she hesitates and looks at Azula.

“Girlfriend,” Azula finishes. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Aang cracks a smile. The air nomads were the most accepting people in the world, and Azula feels strangely safe telling him. “Will you be coming with us?” He asks.  
Isa nods and he helps her up onto Appa. Azula hurries onto the bison before Aang offers to help her, too.

“So… how are you doing?” Aang tries. Azula scoffs.

“Why are you here? Why you?”

“Jeez, okay, I’m here to pick you up for the festival.”

“Uh huh.”

“I wasn’t done,” he says crossly. “I’m here to see if it’s safe. If you’re safe.

“Am I passing the test?” Azula asks sarcastically.

“So far.” Aang shoots her a look. “I trust Zuko’s judgement, but if either of you try to hurt him--or anyone, for that matter--I won’t hesitate to--”

“To what?” Azula asks, an amused look on her face. “To kill us?”

“No,” he says calmly. “I don’t need to kill you to stop you. You of all people should know that.” Azula sits back and turns away, his words hitting home. They lift off without another word.

The silence gets too unbearable to Isa, whose eyes are darting between the two of them.

“So, Aang, do you remember much about Fire Nation parties?”

Aang laughs and leans back. “Not from one hundred years ago, but we’ve thrown a couple so far. Ah, and I can’t forget, when my friends and I were undercover in the Fire Nation a few years ago I threw a cave party.” He has a faraway look in his eyes as he relives the memories.

“I’ve never been to a royal one,” Isa admits.

“No one has,” Azula says. “They weren’t allowed. I mean, come on, does my father seem like the dancing type?”

“It’ll be a new experience for both of us, then.” Isa grabs her hand.

“You guys will love it,” Aang promises, and Azula doesn’t doubt him. It’s not the party making her nervous, it’s the palace. She’s certain that being there will do something to her, she’s just not sure what. Still, if Zuko and Isa trust her, she’ll be fine. She has to be fine. She sometimes sees Ozai out of the corner of her eye, or in a window reflection, but she’s learned to ignore him. It’s rare that she hears his voice, now; it only happens when she’s alone for too long, or Fen Shi is annoyed with her, or a session pulls her in too deep. She doesn’t have as many sessions now, but it can still happen. When it does, she remembers the words of Zuko and Isa and Fen Shi and even Iroh. They believe in her. They trust her. They love her.

“It’s getting late,” Aang announces. “You guys should get some rest. I’ll stay up a little longer but Appa should be able to fly us there without trouble, isn’t that right buddy?” Isa laughs as Appa lets out a long grumble. Azula curls up next to Isa and pulls a blanket around them, shivering slightly. The cold never bothered her too much, because she always had her firebending to keep her warm. Not so anymore.

It’s hard to fall asleep, and when she finally does, her father appears before her in all his glory. She’s nothing against him here, in this fuzzy dreamscape. This dream is unlike her others. Azula and Ozai are on a cliff, overlooking what used to be a lake. Instead of getting ready to burn Azula to bits, Ozai offers her a hand.

“Azula.” He grins at her. “You’re coming home to free me.” Azula’s lips are frozen shut, and she can only look at him, fighting to keep the fear out of her eyes. “Yes,” he says, turning her around. Flames ravish the lands--this had been her idea--and the Avatar and his friends are the last line of defense. Zuko is with them, desperately trying to bend the flames away, and it seems to be working, with the help of Aang and Katara, who douse everything with waves of water. “Help me, daughter!” Ozai screams. He will be defeated if she doesn’t help him. Azula tries to tell him that she can’t, that she’s no longer a firebender, but she still can’t talk. Her father roars and shoves her over the edge. The seal around Azula’s lips finally breaks, but it’s too late. She can do nothing but watch the ground rush up to meet her--

“Argh!” Azula’s eyes shoot open and she sits up, knocking her head against something. Someone.

“Monkey-feathers,” Aang curses, rubbing his forehead. Azula stares at him, wide eyed. “Oh, that was actually my fault. Sorry,” he says sheepishly. Isa turns in her sleep but doesn’t wake.

“Why--”

“You were talking in your sleep,” Aang explains. “Tossing and turning like nobody’s business. I was about to wake you up. Didn’t exactly look like a pleasant dream.”

“Far from it,” Azula mutters. She leans her head against the side of the saddle, eyes narrowing when Aang sits next to her.

“Tell me about it.”

“Why?”

Aang shrugs. “So you have someone to listen.” He’s quiet after she tells him, and Azula can see he’s struggling to find the right thing to say.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Azula says, but that seems to make him struggle more. “It’s fine, really. It’s not as bad as--” She stops, but it’s too late. He looks so concerned, it makes her laugh.

“What?” He demands.

“Nothing. Thanks for waking me up,” Azula adds. “Or, at least trying to.”

They’re quiet again, and Azula hates to break the silence, but she needs to say something. “I’m sorry,” she says.

“I know.”

He doesn’t have to say that he forgives her; it’s in his nature, as an air nomad. Still, this whole exchange feels like the easy way out, to Azula. It doesn’t feel right that he would forgive her so easily. She’s tempted to think it’s a trick, but she doesn’t think that there’s a vengeful bone in his body. Just as well. No reason why she should hope to be an enemy of the Avatar, especially without her firebending.

Until sunrise, Aang tells Azula about the little details of his life that she seems to like hearing about. She doesn’t care much for talk of repairing damaged structures or de-escalating rising tensions between cities, but she likes when he tells her of the last book he read that he just loved, or Sokka’s dumb joke--which she finds _funny?_ \--or that time that Zuko’s robe caught fire. Azula tells him about her favorite pastries, and he’s shocked (though he doesn’t know why) to find out that Azula has an extreme sweet tooth. Isa wakes up as they catch their first glimpse of the palace, far away. With the sun rising over it, it looks beautiful. Azula holds her breath, but her father doesn’t appear in her head. She allows herself to smile, softly, and squeezes Isa’s hand. 

Aang brings Appa in for a landing, and Zuko is already there. He hugs them all hello and steps away for a moment to talk to Aang. Katara appears a second later, the expression on her face guarded. She takes in the sight of Azula and Isa and heads towards the two women, stepping in front of Azula, arms crossed. Azula holds her gaze and raises an eyebrow, but Katara says nothing. Isa introduces herself and smiles warmly at her, but even as Katara responds absently, her narrowed gaze stays on Azula. Zuko hurries over, perhaps worried at the prospect of a fight, and gestures them towards the palace.

“Welcome,” Zuko says, all smiles. “The party is tomorrow, and lots of preparations are happening, but there’s more than enough space. Come on.”

Aang throws his arms around Katara. “Hi sweetie,” Katara says, kissing him.

Isa hurries after Zuko into the palace, pulling Azula along, and grins widely at her in excitement. Azula returns her smile but is cautious as they step through the doors, desperately trying to keep the memories of her last time in this palace away. It looks the same, but also… brighter. More open. People laugh as they work, though their voices hush when Azula draws near. She pulls away, not letting her discomfort show on her face. Zuko’s voice trails away as Azula wanders from the group, taking in everything around her. The palace is very much the same, decor wise, as it was years ago, considering Zuko has had more important matters on his hands than redesigning. It’s unnerving, to see it filled with so many happy servants. Azula’s own memories of this place are cold and dark. Nothing that one would expect from a place called the Fire Nation, but everything that one would expect from Ozai.

With a start, Azula realizes that she’s been staring up at a portrait of her father. Why Zuko hasn’t taken it down, she can’t say. It’s regal and striking and the exact replica of the man she had admired for so long. She backs away but can’t take her eyes off of it. As if seeing an opening, a vision of Ozai appears, and suddenly she can’t remember a time of him ever being gone. _Azula,_ he says slowly. _What a pathetic state you’re in. You have failed me time and time again, but now is the time to strike! Release me from my cell, and I will forgive you._ Azula’s tongue feels like lead, but she forces the words out of her mouth.

“You have no bending, you have no throne, what can you do?” She spits, and is suddenly proud. Though the fires in his eyes blaze with anger, she knows that the Azula from even just a year ago wouldn’t have been able to say that.

_Neither do you, he hisses. But together we can--_

“Get out of my head,” Azula growls. She turns away from him and jumps at the sight of Katara, leaning against the wall behind her.

“We noticed you were gone,” Katara says. “Thought you had run off to cause trouble, so I came to look for you.”

“Well, there goes my weekend,” Azula says mockingly. “My plans to kill you all have been foiled.”

Katara doesn’t bother answering that. They both knew it wasn’t even remotely funny. Actually, it was a little funny to Azula.

Katara starts to say something, but Azula interrupts suddenly. The waterbender clearly saw Azula arguing with her father, and there’s no way Zuko wouldn’t have told them. “You’re a healer, right. Can’t you…?” She trails off. _Can’t you heal me?_

Katara sighs deeply, as if she’s been thinking about this. “I can’t heal the mind,” she says simply, the tone of her voice a lot softer than it was the second ago. She’s kind enough to ignore Azula’s obvious disappointment, and instead starts down the hallway. “Come on,” she says. “They’re all waiting for you.”

_They’re all waiting for me._

“You must hate me,” Azula says frankly. She’s used to people hating her, but it was annoying when they weren’t open about it.

“Yeah, I do,” Katara says sharply. “But I also saw you. I defeated you. We’re the same age, Azula, it’s not--I wasn’t happy, at the end. I mean, I couldn’t get the image of you out of my head for months afterwards. Of course I was glad you were finally stopped, but it’s not so simple as ‘I hate you’, okay? I’d learned from your brother that it’s never as simple as that. Besides, it’s been years. If I could manage not to freeze you to death once while you searched for your mom, I can manage now. But hey.” She stops and crosses her arms again. “Hurt Aang, or Zuko, or _anyone_ , and I’ll kill you, understand?” She’s awfully blunt about it, not like the threats Azula is used to giving.

“So everyone says. Did you give Zuko this talk too?”

“Yeah, I did,” Katara snaps, surprising Azula. She hadn’t trusted him either at first, apparently. “He believed me, and rightfully so.”

Azula says nothing and Katara stalks forward, clearly itching to create some distance between them. Funny, Azula hadn’t thought the waterbender the threatening type. She sort of liked her.

They hear the others before they see them, laughs and shouts of excitement. Aang shows Isa his air scooter and sweeps Zuko’s feet out from under him. He’s on the floor when he sees Azula and Katara.

“Real kingly, brother,” Azula snorts. He smiles and stands, dusting himself off.

“Alright, here’s the plan,” he says. “The festival starts at four on the streets, but the palace party won’t start till six.”

“Why so early?” Azula asks.

“So that children can come before it gets too late for them. Azula, no one outside of the staff here knows you’re back. I’m assuming you want to keep it that way?”

She makes a noise of agreement.

He turns to Aang with a raised eyebrow. “When do you think the kids will leave?”

“Seven thirty, eight, maybe.”

“So Azula and Isa can come then. The party will be in full swing and no one will notice.”

“I forgot, can Toph come?” Katara asks. “I know she’s busy with her school and all.”

“Yeah, we got word a couple hours ago. She’ll be here.”

Suddenly, Azula realizes that the watertribe boy, Sokka, was missing. “Where’s your brother?” She asks Katara.

“With Suki, for the day. They’ll be back tonight.”

Oh boy, this would be fun. It had been six years since Azula had taken the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors captive, but she was certain that she harbored a grudge. Who wouldn’t?

Isa and Azula head to their rooms-- _room_ \--and Azula is relieved when the door closes after them. Being around Zuko and his friends is draining.

“How do you feel?” Isa asks, flopping onto the bed.

“I don’t know,” Azula admits. She’s perched on the arm of the couch. It’s certainly a lot, being back in the palace. She’s not been into her old rooms, and doesn’t particularly want to, but it doesn’t seem to matter; she’s got enough bad memories in the palace that, if Ty Lee were here, she would say Azula has a black aura. Somewhere, below her feet, Ozai festers in a cell. A small part of her still feels the pull to him, the need to make him happy, to free him. But she can’t, she knows it. She won’t. “It’s strange,” Azula muses. “I thought that I would get worse, being here, but it seems I was worrying for nothing.”

“You’ve been getting much better, even before we came here,” Isa says. “Perhaps you underestimated yourself.”

“Perhaps.”

“Or,” Isa leans forward. “It could be because he’s closer. I mean, he’s here, isn’t he? Under the palace right now?” Azula nods, and she continues. “So it’s easier to understand that he’s really locked down there and can’t hurt you.”

Azula stares at her in disbelief. Somehow, without Azula herself even knowing, Isa has managed to pick apart her mind and sort out the reasoning from the feelings.  
“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I… nevermind,” Azula mumbles. She turns away, cheeks flaming. “You’re right, anyways. I can feel it. It’s like I can see the chains imprisoning him here. I saw him earlier today--”

“ _What?_ ”  
“Not in person. I saw him when I looked at his portrait, but Isa.” Azula looks at her, eyes shining. “It was so easy to turn away. He held no control over me at all.”

“Azula…” Isa comes forward and wraps her arms around her waist, resting her forehead on Azula’s. “You’re incredible.”

Azula kisses her then, as if she’s never kissed her before. Ozai could’ve been screaming behind her with his hands alight with fire and Azula wouldn’t have noticed. All that mattered was Isa’s lips on hers and Azula’s hands holding her face.

A knock on the door interrupts them. Azula pulls back and sighs in annoyance, but doesn’t let go of Isa.

“Come in,” she calls. The door opens to Mai and Ty Lee, who squeaks at the sight of Azula and Isa wrapped around each other.

“Are we interrupting?” Mai asks dryly.

“Yes, but oh well.” Azula sits, leaning against the arm of the couch, and raises an eyebrow.

“Dinner will be served soon,” Mai says. “Not a big one, just us four, Zuko, and his friends.”

“Oh dear,” Isa sighs.

“It sounds sort of big when Mai says it like that,” Ty Lee says. “But we’ll all be fine, I promise.”

They head down the hall, talking in low murmurs, and arrive at the dining hall. Zuko, Aang, and Toph are already there. As soon as Azula steps into the room, Toph’s head whips towards her and she jerks her arm, pushing a rock up from under Azula. It flies towards her with Azula on its back, depositing her at Toph’s feet.

“ _Toph!_ ” Zuko yells. “I thought I said no earthbending in the palace!”

Toph pays him no heed and instead leans close to Azula. “This dunderhead can’t control her heartbeat anymore,” Toph growls with satisfaction.

Azula scoffs and turns to Zuko. “Can’t you put a leash on her or something?” This time, she’s ready for the twisting earth at her feet, and leaps gracefully onto the dining table. Katara, Sokka, and Suki walk in, then, and stare open mouthed at Toph, seething, and Azula standing with her hands on her hips on the table.

“Welcome,” Zuko says through gritted teeth. “Toph, I mean it, earthbend again and--”

“Yeah, yeah.” She rolls her eyes. “I got it.”

“Now, everyone sit.”

Azula and Isa wait until everyone is seated before they take their own seats, between Aang and Ty Lee.

“So,” Sokka points his fork at Isa. “You’re the unlucky girl, huh?”

Katara’s jaw drops and Toph stifles a laugh, but she’s drowned out by both Azula and Isa snickering like kids. Sokka glares at them.  
“That wasn’t for _you_ to laugh at,” he says with distaste.

“Sokka, do be rude.” Suki swats his arm. Azula is surprised. Suki is a warrior, there’s no way she trusts--oh. Suki holds Azula’s gaze, and she realizes that trust has nothing to do with it. She’s having fun with Sokka, not defending Azula.

“Are we just going to forget everything?” Sokka ticks off his fingers as he talks. “Attempting to murder almost everyone at this table, stealing kids, almost killing Iroh, taking over the Earth Kingdom--”

“Like no one’s ever tried that before,” Isa snaps, all mirth gone from her voice. Azula stares at her in shock. “How many people died in Ba Sing Se when Azula took it? How many?” She demands.

“We don’t know, but many civilians probably--”

“No, no they didn’t. Meanwhile, the great Dragon of the West let thousands die, only for him to have a change of heart _the day before_ the walls fell. Not only did he fail at taking the kingdom, he lost thousands of lives for _nothing_. My parents died for nothing,” she snarls. “Zuko, I apologize, really, but if your friends are going to forgive Iroh and then turn around and act like Azula was some _monster_ \--they’ve got another thing coming. If any of you knew half the things she’s been through--”

“Isa,” Azula says quietly. She puts a hand on her arm. “It’s alright.” She turns to Sokka. “You’re right, about what I’ve done. I’m not going to say sorry, because I know that it won’t mean anything--”

“It would mean something to me,” Suki interrupts. She’s watching Azula carefully. “I would like to hear it.”

Azula nods. “I’m sorry,” she says. “For everything I and the Fire Nation under my father’s rule has put you through, but… I wouldn’t have done anything differently.” There are gasps around the table, but she holds up a hand and they quiet. “Everything I did was to protect myself. It was selfish, I know, but you don’t understand. I saw what happened to someone who spoke against my father--” here, she gestures to Zuko. “--and I was in no hurry to get the same treatment. I thought that when it was all over, and he was Firelord, I would be safe. I tried to help Zuko, to bring him home, so that when Father inevitably won, he would be safe too. When that didn’t work out, I remained solely concerned with myself.”

“You must’ve been terrified,” Katara says softly.

“Most of the time, I was confident enough in my abilities that I was certain I wouldn’t fail, but the threat of my father was always hanging over my head.” Finally, Azula was answering the question everyone wanted to ask. Why did she do such horrible things? “It didn’t matter to me that I was the villain. When I obeyed my father I was safe from his wrath, and I intended to keep it that way. Of course, I can’t pretend that none of it is my fault. It’s true that I cared little--if at all--about the innocent people that died.” She’s rehearsed this next part a million times to make sure she doesn’t mess it up. “I don’t expect you to forgive or trust me, but I am not the same Azula that I was five years ago.” She repeats this line in her head, over and over. _I am not the same Azula that I was five years ago. I am not the same Azula that I was five years ago. I am not the same Azula that I was five years ago._

“She’s not lying,” Toph says. Everyone turns to her, but she’s looking at her plate. “She’s not lying.”

Sokka sighs and rubs a hand along the side of his hair. “Alright. Okay, I believe you. Azula, I--I don’t know what Ozai did to you, but from what I’ve heard… maybe you have changed. Five years is a long time, after all. But I have a question. Zuko tried to help you, before Aang took your bending. Why didn’t you let him?”

“Because despite my fear for my father, I still worshipped him and hated my mother,” Azula says simply. “As Isa once said a long time ago, the Avatar taking my bending was the best thing that ever happened to me, because suddenly Ozai wasn’t proud of me anymore and I had no way to fight against Zuko, though I desperately wanted to.”

“If I hadn’t had my mother or uncle, I would’ve been under my father’s manipulation just as much as she was,” Zuko says. “But he liked her more, which made _her_ the unlucky one, despite what I had thought for years.”

“And so when Zuko was kind to me, I was certain it was a trick. Father had poisoned my image of mother, and I was certain that my mother had everyone under her thumb.”

“Wow,” Sokka’s voice is quieter now.

“Uncle said you were a lost cause,” Zuko says. “I knew he was wrong.”

“I was,” Azula admits. “If I hadn’t found Isa and Fen Shi I would’ve stayed that way forever. Probably died in some swamp somewhere, known as the evil swamp spirit.”  
“But you did find us, and now you’re here.” Isa squeezes Azula’s hand.

This whole chat about the twistedness of her mind is uncomfortable, but necessary.

“Father has no power over me anymore. For years, even after my firebending was gone, he followed me around and convinced me that Zuko would kill me. It wasn’t until Fen Shi’s treatments forced me to relive my memories that a different story began to show. Zuko showing mercy at the Agni Kai, my mother’s face when she saw me. It’s something Iroh said, actually, when I visited, that got to me the most. If I had been the Avatar, he would’ve killed me. Father always praised me for my logical brain, but that’s what saved me in the end. How could I convince myself that Zuko wanted me dead when he showed kindness and mercy time and time again? How could I convince myself that father loved me when I knew that he wouldn’t have hesitated to kill me?”

The table is silent as all this new information turns everyone’s mind over. Azula knows that forgiveness and trust are not the same thing, and they are all inclined to the former, but that was a start.

“What about the New Ozai society? Even after the threat of your father was gone you still tried everything you could to remove Zuko from power,” Suki says. “Why?”

This is something Azula is truly ashamed of. “I was raised to become Firelord. I was raised to be the ruler. Even as I knew it would be impossible to actually become Firelord, I was… jealous. Zuko had stolen my birthright, essentially, even though he’s older. So I was angry and jealous and I thought that ruling through Zuko would be just as good.

“After the New Ozai society failed, I had given up hope of ever turning Zuko into our father. He was just too good. The women who followed me abandoned me, and I think, even if Aang hadn’t taken my bending, I would’ve run off. There was no place for me here, that much was obvious. I don’t know if I would’ve made it to Isa and Fen Shi, instead of becoming a hermit or throwing myself off of a cliff.” She smiles wryly at the gasps from around the table. “I seriously considered it.”

Katara leans forward. “Lacking power caused Ozai--in your head--to disapprove of you, which caused your image of him to crumble.”

“Wow,” Sokka says again.

“That’s ten different levels of messed up.” Mai’s voice is thoughtful. “And we all only saw the surface. Even you didn’t notice how deep it went.”

“Even me.”

“How did you realize all this in two years?” Ty Lee asks with disbelief. “You were on the run for three, right?”

“The treatment I mentioned, Fen Shi’s, it’s intense. She metalbends--says one of her grandkids learned from you and taught her, Toph--metalbends needles onto the points of your body that are chi-blocked. Something like that, anyway. They make you see the source of your tension, and for me, it was the things that happened after… well, after Boiling Rock.” She doesn’t look at Mai or Ty Lee, and she’s certain they’re not looking at her either.

“It was brutal to watch,” Isa says. “We had to restrain her because she fought so hard. But after each session we talked through it, and slowly she stopped thrashing around as much.”

“I went to see Uncle, which helped, and then Zuko visited. That was the last really bad fit I had, and now it’s easier. I’ve only had a vision of my father once in the palace, and it was easy to ignore him.”

Toph snorts. “You know what’s funny? Yours and Zuko’s messed up lives mirror each other.”

“Toph!” Katara shouts. “Why do you think it’s okay to say something like that?”

“So _none_ of you think it’s ironic that they’re basically opposites on the child-abuse spectrum? I mean, come on.”

“She’s right,” Sokka says, looking impressed. “Narratively--you know, if this were a story--it would make sense that they both overcame it with revelations about Ozai.”

Azula’s jaw would be on the floor if she didn’t restrain herself, but Zuko speaks before anyone else can say anything.

“Do you want to see him?” Zuko asks quietly. Everyone stares at him.

“Why?” Azula, Sokka, and Aang ask at the same time.

“I think it will help you. To see him chained down, unable to escape--it certainly helped me.”

Azula looks at her feet, imagining him below her. “I think that’s a good idea,” she says. “But I want you to come with me. Not into his cell, just outside. I don’t want to be completely alone with him.”

“Of course.”

They all finish their dinner and stand aside as the royal siblings walk out of the dining hall and make their way to the dungeon. Azula hears Katara, Toph, and Sokka arguing with each other while Zuko pulls Isa to the side for a moment. “I’m sorry about your parents,” he says earnestly. “I used to think that Iroh was the only one in my family who wasn’t bred to fight, but I know now that I was wrong. He’s done so much harm in his past, and I can’t bring your parents back, but I’m truly sorry.”

“You don’t have to be, Zuko. It wasn’t you. And anyway, I know he’s changed and he’s a good man now, I just got a little heated. Don’t worry about it, really,” she adds, at the unconvinced look on his face. “Just… help Azula. That’s all I want.”

He nods and leaves with his sister.

Azula is apprehensive on the long walk down the winding road to the dungeons. She can’t remember the last time she was here. No, wait, she can. Her father brought her down here when she was young, to _persuade_ a man to give them information. She had done it gladly. It was for the betterment of the Nation, it didn’t matter that she almost choked on the smell of burning flesh, or that his screams haunted her for weeks.

She shakes away the memories as they step into the cool stone jail. Guards salute Zuko and look curiously at Azula, who wears a hood over her face. It isn’t until they’re outside the room housing Ozai’s cell that she turns to Zuko and removes the hood. “Okay,” she says. “I’m ready.”

The door shuts behind her with a solid thunk, and Ozai chuckles. He’s facing the wall, sitting with his hands chained to the floor and dressed in rags. His hair hangs in stringy clumps around his face. “Zuko,” he says in a low voice. “You honor me with your presence, Fire--” he gasps, for he has turned around and seen not his son, but his daughter. He’s speechless for a moment, before grinning widely. Azula’s face is a mask of indifference, but the look on his face sends cold shivers up her spine.

“Father.”

“I thought he killed you, but you escaped!” He jumps up and wraps his hands against the bars. “You’ve come to save me, at last!”

Azula was certain that seeing her father would bring back all the feelings she had been working away from for the past two years, but the man who controlled and weaponized her was not the same man standing before her. “Even if I _had_ come to save you, I would be reconsidering. You look pathetic,” she snaps. His eyes grow wide in anger and shock, and Azula feels tremors in her bones. It takes all she has to remind herself that he is powerless, and behind bars.

“How _dare_ you,” he snarls. “When I get out of here I’ll kill you once and for all, you understand me? Zuko might’ve failed, but I won’t.”

“He didn’t even try. He let me live.”

“He… what?”

“I’m not here to rescue you, father. I’m here to tell you that all your years of lies and manipulation have _failed_. Mother loves me. Zuko loves me. I have people who care about me, despite my past. You may have turned me into a weapon but I will be your pawn no longer.”

“I know that the Azula who was at my right-hand is still in there. Is there not a part of you who remembers that you have the right to rule? Is there not a part of you who longs to release me and wreak vengeance on this weak world?”

“There is. Of course there is. But you misunderstand. It was never the world that was cruel to me. It was you, and I to myself. I’ve seen too much now, been through too much, to bend to your will now.”

His expression changes. “You’ve lost your bending, Azula, haven’t you?”

She stands tall. “I have.”

He laughs, then, a cold maniacal laugh. “That was the only part of you worth loving,” he spits. “You’re nothing.”

“You think your words mean anything to me?” Azula asks. “I’ve thought this all before myself, and you’re wrong. After all, I’m not the one who got put in a jail cell, am I?” She’s shocked with herself and how she’s speaking to him, and apparently, he is too.

“You’re just as weak as the rest of them,” he says bitterly. “I had such hopes for you, daughter. You were to be my heir. You were to be _Firelord_.”

“You never loved me, did you?”

“No,” he says with relish. “Love is foolish. It’s a weakness.”

“You’re wrong.” Azula shakes her head. “I’ve found love, and I don’t need it from you any longer. You will haunt me no more.” Her voice is firm, unshakable even under his familiar glare. “This is the last you will ever see of me. You are hated by the world and you will be forgotten. When people think of the hundred year war, they will not think of the then-Firelord, they will think of the Avatar and his friends. They will think of Zuko, who brought about an age of prosperity for the Nation and for the world. Your legacy is your children.” She starts to leave, but pauses. “I came in here thinking that you have become half the man you used to be, but now I know better. You have been reduced to the man you always were, underneath the facade of strength. You have transformed into your pathetic self.”

She leaves with a sweep of her cloak, ignoring the roars of anger from behind her, allowing herself to smile slightly only when the door clanks shut. She nods once to   
Zuko and they leave in silence, unwilling to discuss anything in this cold, damp place.

Finally, when they are in the palace grounds once again, Azula stops and leans against a stone wall, letting herself feel the wave of fear she had so carefully contained roll over her.

“It’s over, I think,” she says. “I don’t think I’ll be seeing him anymore. Especially not as powerful as he once was in my visions.”

“He’s not the same terrifying man he was,” Zuko agrees. “I’m proud of you.”

Azula smiles. “Me too.”

They retire to their rooms for the night, each feeling lighter than ever. Azula tells Isa how it went and receives three kisses on the forehead for her troubles.

It’s hard to get out of bed the next morning, but today is the day of the festival, and they manage to drag themselves up and out the door before eleven. They’re, not surprisingly, the last ones to the breakfast table.

“How did it go?” Katara asks immediately. Azula makes a mental note to remember the genuine concern in her eyes.

“Zuko hasn’t told you?”

He shrugs. “It wasn’t my story to tell.”

Azula doesn’t tell them the details, but she says that her father will no longer live rent free in her mind. Their joy and happiness for her is shocking, but she’s coming to understand the forgiving natures of the people around her.

The hours inch by slower than Azula thought possible as she waits for four. She watches eagerly from her room window while the streets start to fill with dancing and laughing people, towing stumbling children behind them and tossing sweets across the crowd. A band plays and a theater group performs a series of skits, depicting not Zuko and the Avatar’s victory like Azula had thought, but fictional stories. One is about the tale of Wan, the first Avatar, which Azula particularly enjoys. Before she knows it, the streets empty as fast as they filled and the crowd migrates to the palace. Music fills the halls, something Azula is sure that Ozai despises. She holds dresses against her body, considering what to wear. She can’t remember the last time she wore a dress. After ten minutes and input from Isa, she chooses a maroon halter lined with gold and a flared skirt. She leaves her hair down. Finally, after what seems like hours of waiting, she and Isa finally make their way down to the ballroom at eight. The sight of the decorated rooms remind Azula nothing of the palace she was so used to, and she loves it. Just as Zuko said, no one pays her any mind during the festival, so she and Isa dance without a care among the commoners. She sees flashes of water tribe and Earth Kingdom garb among the crowd, as   
well as Zuko and Aang making their way through the party.

“I’m going to get a drink,” Azula shouts over the noise to Isa, who nods. “Want anything?”

Isa shakes her head and Azula squeezes through the throngs of people to the food tables, which are already half empty. She’s pouring herself a glass of something strong when someone clears their throat, and turns to see Sokka standing behind her, looking nervous.

“What is it?”

“I wanted to apologize for earlier,” he says. He doesn’t have to shout as loud here. “It was rude.”

“So?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not a big deal, I expected worse, to be honest.”

“Uh… okay, I guess. Cool then. Um, I’m going to get back to Suki.”

Azula watches him go with a bemused expression before shaking her head and turning back to the table, where Toph is leaning against.

“Agni, can’t a girl get a drink in peace?” Azula mutters. “You people are everywhere.”

“He was trying to be nice, princess.” She said the word _princess_ like it was the worst thing she could think of.

“Well, he managed perfectly fine. I’ll leave you to… whatever you were doing.”

“If you had told me five years ago that I would be bothering Princess Azula without being worried about getting blasted to bits, I would’ve asked for a drink of whatever you were having.”

Azula isn’t sure how she was supposed to respond, so she doesn’t. 

“My point is that you really aren’t the same person you were five years ago. Honestly, after Katara told me what had happened at the Agni Kai, and I first saw you in that straightjacket--” Azula shivers at the memory of being so constrained. “--I was sure you couldn’t be helped. Then you kept trying to get Zuko and escaped after Twinkletoes took your bending, and I thought you would off yourself or die trying to get back at him. You survived against all odds, princess. I’m impressed.”  
“Thanks,” she says after a moment. Toph’s attempt at being kind is questionable at best, but Azula appreciates the effort nonetheless. Maybe Toph can sense the   
genuine gratefulness in her voice, because she makes a noise of satisfaction and leaves as quickly as she had come.

The rest of the festival flies by, and Azula soon finds herself and Isa among Zuko and his friends once again. They’re tired but happy watching the last of the people trickle out the door. Isa absentmindedly runs her fingers through Azula’s hair.

“So how was your first Fire Nation party?” Aang asks, smiling.

“Exhausting,” Azula says. “But… wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Fire Nation citizens so happy.”

“That was the most fun I’ve ever had,” Isa adds.

“If you guys stayed you could enjoy more,” Zuko offers. Azula is expecting backlash from the others, but they don’t seem to mind. She’s about to accept when she sees Isa’s face. She looks conflicted, and a little sad.

“We can’t,” Azula says. “We can’t just leave Fen Shi behind.”

“Why doesn’t she come too?” Aang asks. Azula hesitates and looks at Isa, who purses her lips.

“We’ll visit,” Azula promises, saving Isa from having to speak. “But I think it’s best if we stay in Sajian.”

Zuko accepts this glumly and they all stumble back to their rooms, some a little more drunk than others, and crash almost immediately. Azula wakes the next morning with a slight headache, but seeing the state Sokka and Toph are in, decides not to complain.

Katara comes with them for the trip back to the Swan Spa, because her and Aang are visiting the South Pole after they drop Azula and Isa off. The trip back is considerably more pleasant than the previous one. They trade stories of their travels over the years--Isa mostly listens--and play Pai Sho. Katara actually laughs at something Azula says.

Azula and Isa watch Appa lift off and carry the couple south, and turn to the Swan Spa, where Fen Shi waves from a window.

“You know, living here will be a lot less exciting than living in Capital City. We don’t have to stay here,” Isa says.

Azula considers her words, and shrugs. “I’ve traveled the world, fought master benders, taken over the Earth Kingdom, almost become Firelord, and gone insane. I   
think a little less excitement will be good for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's it! Thank you all for reading, and even if you didn't enjoy it, it means the world to me that you took the time to read it.


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